Throughout our lives we change constantly. We are not the same person we were when we were a child, or a teenager or a few years ago or even last week. Every experience we have leaves its mark. So the question we’re working with isn’t “Can I change?” but rather “How do I grow consciously into whom I desire to be?” When we make that choice of being intentional, and allow it to emanate from the core of our being, we open the door to our own transformation, which involves learning how to expand our mind into new paradigms of experiences, and directing it towards higher expressions of Self and soul (We use Self and soul synonymously through the page). We choose who we are going to be, and orient our thoughts, emotions, ideations, and actions towards the embodiment of that sense of self. But what can we expect to encounter? What happens on the journey of transformation?
In transformation, what exactly is being transformed?
The answer is simply this: our self-concept. We all have a mental image of who we are, an image constructed since birth from a vast range of personal and cultural circumstances, experiences, beliefs, and values. Tis image is our self-concept. In his book “An Overview of Self-Concept Theory for Counselors, William Purkey provides this excellent description: “... of all the perceptions we experience in the course of living, non has more profound significance than the perceptions we hold regarding our own personal existence - our concept of who we are and how we fit into the world. Self-concept may be defined as the totality of a complex, organized, and dynamic system of learned beliefs, attitudes and opinions that each person holds to be true about his or her personal existence.” Our self-concept, this complex, learned mental image of who we are - begins to form early in life. In the womb, we absorb our mother’s energies and emotions. (It is likely too that certain hereditary or biological factors contained in our DNA also influence the development of ourself concept.) After birth, our self-concept develops within the family culture; the environment forms around us, shaping how we will function in the world. Children are mimic- as children we are imprinted with certain parental behaviors according to the way our parents treat us, and more subtly by the attitudes they hold, especially their feelings towards us. Social mores, cultural beliefs, and a constellation of relationships also influence our growing self-concept.
Positive influences of love, validation, affection, acceptance, and encouragement within the family and social structures foster a healthy self-concept; as children, our growing awareness is fed with the positive images and energies necessary to develop self-esteem, and a sense of worth and value. However, when as children we do not get the love and validation we require, when there are negative influences in our life such as criticism, judgment, abuse, neglect, or trauma, we start to see ourselves as able to be hurt, and there is an impact on our self-concept. A shell of ego begins to forms and we develop attack and defense mechanisms to protect ourselves, and other ego structures to project our strength and value into the world. Usually our family and social cultures are a combination of positive and negative dynamics, and as these factors come together they help construct our self-concept: our internal image of who we are.
Understanding the Journey of Change
Self- Concept and the Ego
Our self-concept is, however, a highly limited if not false rendering of who we truly are, because it is an extension of our ego. What is the ego? Simply it is our sense of separate self. - The belief that we are not intimately connected to, not at one with, everything in existence. Ego lives on identification and separation.
Egoic consciousness says, “I am not that person. I am this body standing here. I like this but not that, look like this but not like that, believe this but not that. I am different and separate from you and you and you.” Ego expresses itself as identification with form, whether it be a thought, image, or material possession. We identify with our gender, body, sexuality, nationality, religion, profession, possessions, accomplishments, social status, and roles such as father, mother, sister, brother, spouse. We classify ourselves by the color of our skin, the color of our hair, our age, our weight, our height, our experiences and, through the savvy of marketing, our product and brand preferences. We develop a host of likes and dislikes, opinions and perspectives, and stories of “things that happened to me, which strengthen our sense of self as “me and my story.” All of this combines to forms and ego-based self-concept (also called our ‘acquired’ or conditioned self-concept), the self we have been taught we are by our culture, environment, and experiences.
From the day we are born, we accumulate layer upon layer of beliefs, values, attitudes and images that we are told are true about life and our personal existence. We see ourselves as ‘other than,’ fundamentally on our own in this world, struggling to survive or striving to make it. The egoic mind creates the perception of separation, the illusion of isolation, the distortions of limitation, the dream of weakness and lack, and the belief of specialness and superiority. This is all an expression of egoic consciousness. The ego is not a ‘bad thing’- it is not something to be frowned upon or disowned- it is an essential gift of life.
The ego affords us the experience of being an individual in this world, and all that entails. Until it is superseded by true Self-awareness, the ego is the solid ground beneath our feet, helping us navigate through a world of seemingly infinite form, and shaping our self-identify so that we can play out certain roles in certain situations. The ego is powerful, intelligent, and capable of unlimited creativity- and it knows just how to keep us beholden to it. The vast majority of people completely identify with their ego-based self-concept; they perceive little if any ‘I’ apart from it and its concomitant thoughts and emotions, and fail to recognize it as ‘not self.’ This is what it means to be unawakened or to live unconsciously - we end up losing ourselves in all that we have come to identify with, all that we have been taught we are. Enormous time and energy is then spent seeking those things - possessions, associations, knowledge, ideologies, rewards, accomplishments- that strengthen how we already see ourselves or how we want to be seen.
Until, one day, something shifts
There is a moment of dis-identification from the prevailing self-concept, a shift in identify from ‘self as the mental construct’ to an awareness of self as something far greater. For some people this moment is experienced as a sense of liberation, or as an influx of profound joy or inner peace. This glimpse of an awareness that ‘I am not my learned, mind-made I’ is a point of awakening, and marks the beginning of a journey transformation that happens at our core level of mind, within our conditioned system of belief, perception, and self-understanding. When we change our most fundamental understanding of who we are, this creates the impetus for equally significant shifts in choices, behaviors, and action, and we ‘transform.’ Our mind, increasingly free from the grip of egoic consciousness, is able to perceive ourselves as we are- and the true essence of each of us is pure, unlimited spirit.
The core of all true transformational work is facilitating a marked shift, if not a revolution, in one’s self-concept. For some people, that shift is from a disempowered state of being toward an empowered state. If we view ourselves through the lens of shame, guilt, or apathy, we will feel inadequate, unworthy, powerless, and at the mercy of life’s circumstances. For instance, a woman who in childhood was regularly berated by a parent may hold a very dim view of herself and her ability to affect her life situations, and be lacking in verve because the disempowering view she holds of herself consumes considerable energy. In such a state, she is likely to find it hard to live with herself and others. However, through transformational work focused on healing her wounded self-concept, she can grow into an empowered state, where more energy is available so that she can perceive her worth and abilities, build the capacity to influence her life experiences, and move forward in meaningful ways. She may still be a long way from fully knowing herself, but will have experienced a marked shift in her self concept toward one that is far more truthful.
Transforming the Self-Concept
The multiform layers of our ego-based self-concept. Getting to the essence of who we are is like peeling the layers of an onion- it is a process of stripping away all that is not we we are at the core of our being.
For other people, the transformational shift that occurs is based on a readiness to dislodge the more firmly established self-concepts - to strip away all that does not reflect the ‘I’ that is at the core of our being. The term ‘awakening’ denotes the onset of this period of profound inner development, one motivated by a desire to move from an unconscious identification with an ego-based self-concept into a higher dimension of conscious self-knowing.
The major transition we undergo in transformation is from a perception of our self that is informed by the limiting and protecting ego to knowing who we are as an evolving yet unlimited soul.
In transformation, we are restoring our mind to truthfulness and moving into our real power: who we are beyond identification with form. Here room is made for the true essence of who we are to come forward. As we transform, we learn to perceive ourselves anew, through a lens cleared of the misperceptions and falsities that have formed our self-concept for so long. We are at last beginning to awaken from the dream of separation and identification with form that the ego has created.
Within prolonged periods of silence there is a richness of texture and possibility that supports inner shift from outside in. Prolonged silence is a necessary condition for perceiving the thoughts, energies, and image which emanate from the higher mind. Prolonged silence invites “breath,” and aspirational process that helps us drop below the surface into a deeper realm of being. Here we may experience what appear as two selves: the self we currently live through and our emerging Self. Silence allows us to begin harmoninzing these two selves as we contemplate questions like:
What is emerging in me?
What is no longer true for me?
What am I ready to let go of? to heal?
Who am I becoming?
As we move even further into prolonged periods of silence we connect with stillness. Stillness of mind is far more than the silecing of speech. In stillness we create the condition for an intimate experience of our essence, of who I AM. This is a profound journey to take, the journey of silence into the inner most sanctuary of being. As you overcome any discomfort with silence, you will create transformative space which enable others to listen within, make connections, see emerging patterns and opportunities, and ultimately, heal your own limiting self-concept. Learn to let there be silence, for it is the perfect position from which to bear witness to the natural unfolding process of change. In silence there is nowhere to go to, no result that must be achieved.